Did you forget your pants?

Since when is dressing like a totally ho-bag fashionable? If the recent Brownlow medals are anything to go by, boobies are definitely in the house!

While I’m not suggesting that the Brownlows are some kind of fashion barometer, these women are young, attractive and wealthy and their frock choices are always analysed by the media. So it’s interesting to see what they’re wearing.

This year’s blue carpet had more trash than my local tip. And flying the flag at the top of the dump was none other than the platinum disaster that was Brynne Gordon. Her dress would have been more suited to a Mykonos beach party. And the jewel encrusted bikini top certainly didn’t leave much to the imagination.

It was all so terrible! The hair, the makeup and the gaudy revealing dress, all conspired to make her look well over her 26 years, and the over-stretched old Geoffrey Edelsten, her fiance hanging off her arm certainly didn’t help make her look any younger.

Who let her out of the house like that? Where was her best gay friend to say, “I’m sorry, I can’t let you leave the house like that. Your boobs are going to frighten people.”

What makes a woman decide to wear that? Surely there is no excuse for dressing like a bimbo unless you are Dolly Parton, and even she has her reasons: “Even after I got enough money where I could afford to dress properly, what kind of fun would that be? Hell, they know I look like a whore. No matter how much I spend or how I dress, I’m still gonna look cheap.”

Sadly, trashy dressing is not only confined to the red, or blue, carpet. Every day I see women getting around clothing that is way beyond revealing. I understand wanting to look sexy, but I think a lot of women confuse sexy with trashy.

Trashy is…

Letting it all hang out. If your skirt has been mistaken for a headband and people are wondering where your pants are - it is too short. Newsflash - the world doesn’t need to see your bits and pieces.

When your cleavage looks like you’ve grown a bum on your chest. Even Dolly Parton knows to keep her puppies covered up.

Having a gutful - Having you’re midriff on display is unnecessary unless you are Brittney Spears, or a clueless 16 year old who shops at ICE.

Wearing things that are lacy, crocheted or mesh with nothing but underwear underneath them. Yeah, not a good look. I don’t care if American Apparel suggests you wear their body-hugging mesh mini-dress out clubbing - people will think you are a stripper.

Underwear as outerwear - enough said.

It is possible to look classy and sexy at the same time…

Pick your best asset and work with that. If you’re going to wear a low cut top, don’t wear a miniskirt. Too much flesh is inappropriate - you need to leave something to the imagination.

You don’t need to wear body-hugging outfits to show off your figure. Pieces that are tailored properly will follow the line of your body.

Fabrics can be sexy. Sheer fabrics don’t always have to make you look like a total trashbag. Layer light fabrics and throw on a lightweight jacket to cover up.

It’s all in the attitude. Looking sexy is all about confidence, flirting and the suggestion of sexiness rather than an all out visual assault.