With the World Cup just around the corner, media reports suggest that this year the WAGs will be quarantined. For those of you who have been living under a rock for the best part of this decade, WAG stands for wives and girlfriends.

The British press coined the term during the 2006 World Cup when the wives and girlfriends of the English team descended on Baden-Baden and proceeded to steal the attention from the team with their tipsy antics, Birkin bags and outrageous spending habits.

Victoria Beckham is the reigning Queen of the WAGs and among her minions are the likes of Coleen Rooney, Carly Zucker and the recently divorced Cheryl Cole.

Here’s our guide on how you can achieve WAG style during this year’s World Cup.

Hair – Your hair is insanely important and you will be judged on it mercilessly. Hair extensions are essential; preferably you have paid top dollar to procure yourself the finest fibres from the scalp of some exploited Eastern European teenager.

Tan – You must be tanned at all times. Obviously it would be preferable if you got your tan at some English-infested Spanish beach resort, but failing that you can just hit the bottle.

Makeup – Wear lots of it, all the time. In fact, your closest friend and confidante should be your gay makeup artist.

Nails – Obviously you get your nails done all the time. Get those big square fake ones and a French manicure. It will look awesome with your offensively large engagement ring. Did I mention the fiance?

Fiance – Your most important accessory. Make sure he is very rich and very stupid. Announce your engagement in HELLO! magazine.

Shoes – These are very important. Your shoes should be ridiculously expensive and the heels should be very high. You should wear high heels at all times, except on the odd occasion when you are chilling out with your bestie, Katie Price (AKA Jordan), in which case Ugg boots are the only acceptable footwear option.

Sunglasses – They should be larger than your head if possible. Big, dark sunglasses make you look rich and mysterious. Mystery leads to speculation. Speculation means more publicity. Publicity means you can launch your career designing Ugg boots.

Bag – Like your sunglasses and shoes, your bag should be big and offensively expensive. If you can’t decide which bag is for you, just get the same one as Victoria Beckham.

Hobbies – As a WAG you represent the essence of our shallow, celebrity-obsessed culture, therefore you hobbies should include the following:

Shopping – Follow the example of Queen WAG Beckham. Her spending habits could stimulate the economy of a small European nation.

Yourself – You are very important, don’t ever forget this. Make sure you spend several hours each day talking about yourself.

Diet – Even if you are painfully thin, it is vital that you be on a diet. Weight Watchers is for losers. You need something far more exotic and exhausting. Try eating nothing but prawns and strawberries, or if you’re really hardcore insist on only eating food that is purple.