Putin for PM

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Since Greece would then have become a constituent republic of the Russian Federation, it would become the favoured playground and holiday resort of the Russian people, injecting much needed funds into the economy. Petrol and gas would be cheap and Greece could, with a Russian army on its soil, safely exploit its own furl resources, other claimants to them having been cowed into submission by a Putinesque frown.
A Putin in a manly foustanella, much like King Otto who preferred the garment, would be a much more acceptable representative of the Greek people on the international stage than our previous colourless Prime Ministers. In the words of Mr T, he would finally be able to facilitate the Greek people into getting some nuts and moving forward. He is Orthodox, and we are Orthodox, so the monks of Mount Athos, those resisters of ecumenism and climate change are bound to anoint him emperor and then, who knows? Maybe he will forge a mighty Orthodox Empire that will see our eastern enemies scattered to the winds and force our western foes to abandon their abominable heresies?
There is absolutely no need for a second round of elections in Greece, should Putin become a candidate. In that eventuality, this diatribist will found an offshoot Putin's Army, a troop originally formed of healthy young Russian girls so dedicated to Putin's re-election, that their breasts in public, in order to emphasize the fervour of their convictions. Our offshoot, Putin's Hellenic Army, will be formed of disinterested high school girls with bleached blonde hair, who will lift their palms in the characteristic mountza, as they march past all politicians, other than Putin.
As far-fetched and implausible as it sounds, the possibility of Putin running Greece is not as outlandish as the proposition that the Greek people will be able to elect a government comprised of politicians who are mature, professional and able to put the country's interests before their own and the second round of elections fills us with foreboding. Unless of course, Agathangelos' blond race refers to Eleni Menegaki. Or maybe after all, salvation comes from within.
* Dean Kalimniou is a Melbourne solicitor and freelance journalist.