So I was going to write something about natural versus synthetic fibres this week, but then a woman got on my tram this morning wearing a scrunchie in her hair and I was thrown in to a fit of irrational and barely contained rage.

Yes, the source of my fury was a simple scrunchie.

But this woman proceeded to sit down in front of me and I ended up staring at the stupid thing for the entire tram ride into work.

It was all black and white and lacy and holding up what a rather limp and slightly wet ponytail.

By the time I got off at my stop, my anger was palpable.

Before I go any further, let me just whack on my acid wash jeans, fluro pink top and do my hair in a side pony. Because the scrunchie is back and it makes me want to vomit.

For those of you who don’t know, a scrunchie (or scrunchy) is an elastic hair tie covered in gathered fabric to give it a pouffy look.

It’s used to fasten your hair. The scrunchie was patented by Rommy Revson and in the 80s there was no limit to the styles, colours, fabrics and designs available.

I thought we had banished the scrunchie along with all the other wardrobe malfunctions of the 80s.

Didn’t we have a ceremonial scrunchie burning, where everyone threw their scrunchies into the fire and chanted: “Be gone scrunchies, you the most vile and unflattering of hair accessories!”

Didn’t Rommy Revson get life in prison for introducing one of the world’s greatest crimes of fashion?

Scrunchies didn’t improve the look of your hair.

In fact they have to be one of the most offensive hair accessories in history, only the Topsy-Tail of the 90s came close in ridiculousness.

At school they used to force us to make scrunchies in textiles class.

Surely this was a form of child abuse.

That said, I had quite a collection of scrunchies when I was a girl.

Giant scrunchies, tiny little ones, sparkles, glitter, satin, they came in every conceivable colour and fabric.

And you could always match them to your outfit.

Wearing cordurouy pants today? Just chuck in your cord scrunchie.

Perhaps you’re in the mood for jeans?

Tie your hair up with your denim scrunchie.

But you know what’s really scary? S

tores are actually selling scrunchies again. You can buy them in a myriad of colours at American Apparel.

In London, they’re flying off the shelves at Topshop.

Therefore I want to start a Ban the Scrunchie campaign in Melbourne.

I know a lot of you ladies still have a couple of scrunchies squirrelled away that you probably use to keep your hair out of the way while you wash your face. That’s fine.

But let’s unite and take a stand. Have some consideration for your fellow humans and DON’T SCRUNCHIE IN PUBLIC.