He’s not feeling so well. She’s sick today. They’re sleeping.

“The faith of the church isn’t determined by a priest or by a monk. The faith of the church is general and in this case we do not exclude the burial of suicides.” – Bishop Ezekiel of Dervis

These are the words that shield the reality of mental illness in our community.

Tiptoeing around the issue is something that many in the Greek Australian community feel is necessary. They believe these words will protect the person from judgement, but more selfishly, also protect the family’s reputation.

Around 20 per cent of Australians are affected by some form of mental illness every year, yet many do not receive the treatment and support they need. Of these people, many still sadly succumb to their demons.

Every year, more than 2,400 people take their own lives in Australia, and sadly, the majority of those deaths are linked to some form of mental illness or drug dependency.

Suicide is not over represented in the Greek Australian community, but changing times and attitudes haven’t removed the stigma it carries in our community.

Clinical psychologist Jenny Makros has seen the affect and fears many of her Greek clients have with mental illness and says the community is suffering with stigma and thereby limit people’s ability to get the help they need. The affect on the family is also very damaging.

“There certainly is a stigma attached to suicide and often what tends to happen in our community it often tends to be concealed as something else because it’s got a lot of shame and blame attached to it,” she tells Neos Kosmos.

“Family members seem to take responsibility for each others wellbeing. They will automatically blame themselves.”

Ms Makros says the fact that the community is small in Australia means that the fear of personal problems getting out into the wider community sometimes pushes people to hide their issues.

“The fear of criticism being labelled and isolated can be problematic in small communities.”

A major contributor to this stigma has to be placed on the Greek Orthodox Church in Australia and the miscommunication between priests and the church’s official stance on the issue.

Neos Kosmos recently published a personal account of a family member who’s brother took his own life. The family member, SK* was horrified to hear misguided and judgemental comments from her priest about the issue of suicide in the Greek Australian community.

“I love to listen to the priest at the end of his service, when he tells a story or lets people know how to behave in our church,” SK wrote.

“This particular day though, after the priest in my church finished his story about a little girl who turned to prostitution at the age of 12 for 17 years, he ended his talk with a statement that suicide is not accepted in our church; not only that, but that it cannot be overlooked just because a psychologist provided a piece of paper.

“I was outraged, the tears came streaming down. How was this priest’s statement supposed make me or anyone else touched by suicide feel? How is it supposed to make any family members feel, who look to God to help them to get through this?”

SK went on to describe the stubbornness of certain priests in giving blessings or services people who have taken their own lives nor giving proper support to family members dealing with grief.

“If suicide is not accepted and the family calls to ask for some sort of blessing do you just throw them to the wolves, so to speak, and let them fend for themselves?” SK says.

“God’s door is closed and they are looking at hell.”

The priest’s view contradicts the Greek Orthodox Archdiocese of Australia’s official view on dealing with suicide says the Bishop Ezekiel of Dervis.
“These are such tragic moments that the church cannot remain uninvolved,” he tells Neos Kosmos.

“The faith of the church isn’t determined by a priest or by a monk. The faith of the church is general and in this case we do not exclude the burial of suicides.”

Although the church still believes the act of suicide is a sin, it does not restrict religious services.

Bishop Ezekiel says he condemns the comments of the priest SK described and says the church advises all their priests on the issue.

“We as a central principle of the church give instructions to priests and they always turn to us and ask questions,” he says.

He believes that difference in opinion has distorted the official view of the Church.

“Sometimes priest are lured by what monks who have blocked communication with society have written about. They don’t see human suffering and say what they want to say.”

This lack of clarity leaves priests still uncertain about how to deal with suicide, and lacking in how to help families with their grief.

Misconceptions still exist especially from first generations Greeks who have seen the way the Church in Greece deals with the act of suicide. Many priests denied giving burials to people who have taken their own lives, with families forced to burry their loved ones outside their home towns.
In response to SK’s personal account, our readers felt compelled to tell their stories and voice their concerns on the Church’s previous actions.
Anna Kar describes an incident many years ago where a family she knew was denied a funeral service for their loved one until another reason was put forth as the death.

“They were at first denied a church service and burial due to the event of the boy’s death,” she writes on Neos Kosmos’ Facebook.

“Then discussion between the parents and priest we’re had and the service and burial at the church was conducted.

“I believe another excuse for death was used to conduct the service. I remember feeling disgusted and disheartened at the churches view on suicide.”
The Archdiocese in Australia doesn’t advertise its position on the issue to show that they are not accepting of the act.

The lack of clarity around the issue has been left idle by the Church and has affected the way many Greek Australians approach the subject in public.
Ms Makros says many of her Greek clients are plagued with the idea.

“Whether you’re a practising orthodox or not, culturally it’s still embedded in our belief system,” she says.

“There is an understanding in the Greek community that it’s a sin and that you are internally condemned.”

Our readers hit back at the lack of sympathy families have felt directly and indirectly from the church.

“It completely ignores our contemporary understanding of mental illness, and reflects a dogmatic stubbornness to accept what has always been a real issue in our community,” reader Danny Tsimiklis says.

The fear a family member might not get a funeral if the priest discovers the cause of death has affected the way Australian coroners do their jobs.
Dimitri Gerosamopoulos, Chief toxicologist and toxicology manager at the Victorian Institute of Forensic Medicine says he has received pressure to alter the cause of death from Greek families.

“Families can request for suicide not to be written on the death certificate but they have no say on this,” Mr Gerosamopoulos says.

It is the coroner’s job to accurately report the cause of death Mr Gerosamopoulos says and would be a breach of ethics if it was changed.
He says the majority of Greek deaths he sees are in the 15-30 age group. Men make up the majority of cases, while women are more likely to self harm in that age group.

Suicide rates for men born outside Australia are slightly lower than for Australian-born men, but corresponding rates for women are very similar.
In Greek Australian males, Ms Makros says there is a reluctance to seek help.

“Greek men can tend to be reluctant to admit what they might consider as a weakness and therefore they’re not as open in their communication,” she says.
“There’s a fear attached in acknowledging something as a mental illness.”
Knowing someone who has recently died by suicide may also increase risk.
There is at least one positive in our community; once the first step is taken to seek help, Greek Australians are more receptive and find it easier to open up.
“The interesting thing about out culture is that once they start talking about an issue they will talk quite openly about it but they do have this heightened awareness and fear of the information getting out,” Ms Makros says.

There is still a low level of understanding of mental illness in our community she adds. Without a broken bone or a bad cough, Greeks find it hard to show sympathy for such a hidden illness.

This attitude needs to change and the best way to do that is education says Ms Makros.

Knowing what signs to look for and the right things to say can save a life.

According to Lifeline’s guide, be sure to reach out and don’t be afraid to ask them if they are thinking about suicide. Listen to them and allow them to express their feelings. Check their safety and don’t leave them alone if you are really worried. Ask them to promise you if thoughts of suicide return to reach out and say something. Get help from health or emergency services, like a GP and a councilor.

Sufferers need to know help is out there.

“The first thing to do is talk to their GP about it and then they would be able to refer them to a psychologist in the community,” Ms Makros says.
“Or if it’s more urgent there are certainly other services they can access.”

If you or your loved one needs support or someone to talk to, call or visit these services.

Lifeline 13 11 14 www.lifeline.org.au
Suicide Call Back Service 1300 659 467 www.suicidecallbackservice.org.au
Kids Helpline 1800 55 1800 www.kidshelp.com.au
MensLine Australia 1300 78 99 78 www.mensline.org.au
*SK name is withheld for privacy reasons.