For the past ten years, I’ve spent Father’s Day alone, and it hurts. All I want is to be by my dad’s side, to tell him I love him, and to thank him for the guidance, inspiration and strength he’s given me, but I’m in Melbourne, and he’s in Adelaide. So a simple phone call in the morning and a pre-sent card will have to do. But having said that, the time I do get to spend with my dad when I either visit home or he makes the journey to see his daughter and be part of her life in Melbourne is not without thanks. Like every daughter, every child – we love our fathers, and for very different reasons to our mums (that’s not to say I don’t adore and love you too mummy).
That’s the thing that my dad, George Pappas, remembers about his childhood. He didn’t have a Father’s Day to celebrate his dad – he had every day of the week.
“When I was young in Greece we didn’t celebrate Father’s Day – we respected and loved our dad every day,” he remembers.
My dad lost his father Stavros at a young age, and every Father’s Day he remembers the man that his father was and the time his father reared him and his brother and sister.
“Every Father’s Day I think of my dad,” he explains, “and everything he gave me and the times we shared. I always think to myself what a beautiful time it was then, the old days in the horio.”
And that’s something that he tries to remind his children of – how lucky they are to still have their father in their life. Lamenting the fact that he was too young to appreciate any fathering advice, he has tried to pass on what his father taught him – to love everyone equally, no matter what – to his children and grandchildren.
“He always showed his family so much love,” my dad says of my pappou, “and he taught me not only to respect my father and my family but everyone – to give love and respect because without it, you have nothing.”
Growing up as a child in the ’80s was different to growing up as a child now. My father was always the paternal rock, a pillar of strength, someone to be revered and frightened of. The patriarch of the family, and more so being of Greek heritage where a father is looked upon as the head of the family. He worked hard, very hard. Seven days a week, without rest. His was a time when the father was the provider of the house, and the mother was the nurturer. But he never shied away from being there and showing he loved us. Little gifts, spontaneous trips away and always being there to talk to meant that he cared.
“I used to work seven days a week laying bricks and I didn’t spend much time with my kids, and after that I started in the restaurant and worked seven days a week, days and nights ,so I missed out on parts of my children’s life – it’s gone now. So now I teach my children to spend time with their kids,” dad says.
“Our father was always working and we had yiayia looking after us,” explains my brother Jon, who as a father of two – Ruby, 10 and Zane, 7, says that’s one thing he has tried to remedy; to ensure that above all else, he’s there.
“I try to always have quality time with my children,” he explains. As a father, Jon encourages his kids to take up weekend sports and coaches Ruby’s basketball team and Zane’s soccer team, that all the family attends. Grandpa, mum, yiayia, aunties – you name it, they are all there for the kids cheering them on from the sidelines.
He says the role of a father has changed since our dad’s time. Nowadays he says you see more fathers pushing prams, doing the shopping, being involved in their children’s schools, even changing nappies, adding “I don’t even think our dad changed a nappy,” he says laughing.
“Fathers today are more hands on,” Jon starts, “we try to give our children so much because of what we didn’t get, but it’s not materialistic things, its more to do with personal relationships and development.
“The role of parenting is being shared and there is a lot more open-mindedness,” he continues, adding that mothers are given the opportunity to work more and encouraged to do so, so that the fathers can play a more influential and active role in the development of their children than they did in the past.
So what is Father’s Day? Father’s Day is a chance to celebrate fatherhood, and pay tribute to all the fathers in our lives, even for the ones who have passed on. From our own dads, to granddads, uncles, brothers, friends and cousins – it’s a time to take a step back and say thank you to the men who have moulded and shaped us.
Even though my dad wasn’t brought up to celebrate Father’s Day, that doesn’t stop him from enjoying it – especially more for his children and now grandchildren.
“Because my children and grandchildren are born in Australia, it’s different for them and they like to celebrate Father’s Day,” he says.
“And even though I was born in Greece, I still enjoy every minute of it, and I understand the meaning and feelings that come from my children and the love they have towards their father.”
Like his dad before him, Jon understands that Father’s Day is more a day for his children to show they care.
“They really do look at their daddy in a special way on Father’s Day,” he says. He says his children’s education plays a big part, as schools like to encourage children to participate in Father’s Day so Sunday is something that they look forward to.
On Sunday, Jon says the family will be having a special breakfast together, and then “do the rounds” – which means visiting the granddads and any uncles and other menfolk who have influenced and shaped their children.
But when asked what the day means to him he is lost for words.
“To be honest with you, being a father is so hard to put into words,” Jon says contemplatively.
“It’s such a joyous feeling, so surreal, to know that you are this person’s father, they are your children.”
When I asked my father what it was like to be a father he said plainly and simply, “I made something of my life.” With all his achievements, and his success, nothing compares with being a father of three kids, and grandfather of three more.
“I am so proud of my children,” he says, “and now as they are getting older, they have done so well with their lives. They are all hard working, and respectful, not only to their family but also to everyone around them.”
“I look at him and say thank you dad for being there all those years,” says Jon of his own father.
A bond from father to first born son is unlike any other in the Greek community and I ask Jon what was the first piece of advice dad gave you when you became a father?
“Discipline; it’s important to discipline your children from young so they don’t get out of line when they are older. He also said don’t do the same things to your children as I did, and love them like I love you.”
But looking back through my own childhood – he didn’t do too badly. Above all, we knew we were loved, we knew we had someone there, and regardless of anything, our dad has been the best father anyone could ever have asked for. And now, he’s making up for lost time by ensuring he is there to watch his gorgeous grandkids, Ruby and Zane and Lannah (10 – our sister Julee’s child) every step of their life.
“I love to take them out,” he says of spending time with the grandkids.
“I go fishing and take them to the park; eat together, have a laugh together, you know, just spending time with them.
“Sometimes I take them to the kafenio and Zane plays billiards while I play tavli… and I try to keep them away from the smoke.”
You know the saying, you can take the Greek out of Greece but you can’t take Greece out of the Greek.
Happy Father’s Day dad and to all the fathers in our community!