I became a mother on 27 January of this year. I am 22 years old and I have always wanted to be a young mum (I blame teaching at Greek schools from a very young age for that).
The idea I had of what it meant to be a mum in my head was romanticised at best. Nothing could have prepared me for the reality of things.
I had underestimated the transformation my whole psyche would go through during labour and delivery. You go somewhere else entirely. It’s an almost psychedelic experience, so esoteric and personal.
An in-between place, where it’s only you, your body and your thoughts.
At one point I was thinking of all the times I had fought with my mum, making her upset, willingly or not, and soon after she walked into the delivery room.
My first thought when I saw her was to say ‘sorry’.
I finally understood. It was that point that I felt myself transition from a girl to a mother, hours before I laid eyes on my son.
It was whilst I was experiencing the intense pain of surrendering to the unknown, and trusting into that.
Something that I have struggled with my whole life.
Letting go of my need to control everything around me. And to me, that’s what motherhood is.
Trusting, waiting, delving into the unknown. Motherhood calls for you to slow down.
For three months now, I have witnessed consciousness manifest.
I have let my son take the lead, slowly discovering the world, and through this process I followed him, managing to see the world in a different light.
I have slowed right down and revelled in all the lessons I have learnt so far, looking forward to many more to come.
I will never forget the things people would say to me during my pregnancy; ‘Sleep now while you can’, ‘Do x,y,z now that you can’, ‘Everything will be so different once the baby comes, you will miss your old life’.
Why do we, as a society, feel the need to make women fearful of this sacred journey?
Waving goodbye to the ego is the key to motherhood.
Because, to its core, that’s what being a mother is all about.
As women, we can’t fight this transformation. We can grieve parts of ourselves that no longer are, but we can’t fight the eventual death of the ego that comes with bringing a child into the world. In our society, we bring children into the world thinking that they will perfectly fall into place in our busy schedule.
But their job is not to be accessories to our lives. Their job is to shake up our lives, to make a complete mess of what we have created so far.
Bringing a child into the world is the biggest wake up call.
By fighting that we end up resentful and unhappy, which in turn makes our children resentful and unhappy.
Let’s instead embrace and give into the mess and the uncertainty.
The pain, the constant worrying and doubting myself made me feel so weak but ultimately, in those moments, that’s when my true power was born.
Yes, my life changed. I changed, but the lessons, I have learnt in this short amount of time have been invaluable.
