Effie: The Virgin Bride

Mary Coustas' alter ego is getting hitched in a brand-new stage spectacular

Adored by Aussie audiences, Effie is the creation of Mary Coustas, a Logie award-winning, AFI-nominated writer and performer, who first came to our attention with Effie, a character written for the smash hit theatre production Wogs Out Of Work.
In 1993 Effie earned Coustas a Logie for Most Popular Comedy Personality. She landed a Top 20 single with her duet alongside comedy legend Norman Gunston, and toured the country in the record-breaking theatre shows Wogs Out Of Work and Wog A Rama.
Her one woman shows are equally as acclaimed: Waiting For Effie, Effie X-Posed, and A Date With Effie. On our TV screens we’ve loved Effie for two decades now, in Acropolis Now, Effie Just Quietly and Greeks on The Roof. In 2015 Effie even got a record deal, releasing Effie’s Classic ’90s Hits.

Now, after many years, Effie’s finally getting married. The original ‘Bacheloreffe’ is gonna gain a husband and “lose a cherry”, all in one night, before your very eyes.
Effie – The Virgin Bride extravaganza awaits your RSVPs this summer, with heaps of music, dancing, multi-media and audience interaction like you’ve never seen before.
This new production by Frontier Touring will be her biggest, most outlandish mega-tour production to date – visiting Melbourne, Perth, Brisbane and Sydney throughout February and March 2016.
After years spent searching for a soulmate and having to spend her own cash, Effie’s found love at last and she took some time off from her wedding preparations to speak to Neos Kosmos.

NK: Is this a real invitation Effie? Are you actually going through with this?
Effie: Yes! This mother of all weddings will be a night you’ll never forget, so make sure you get your hairs done boofheads. Starring a surprise cast of several, be sure to book your seats asaps or you’ll be spewing badlys.
NK: Congratulations then! How are you feeling?
Effie: I’m high as a kite, couldn’t be happier. My day has arrived. Finally getting married.
NK: And you’re a virgin bride?
Effie: Some of us are traditional. There’s not many of us left. I’ll be one of the few that deserves to wear white on her own wedding day.
NK: That’s a huge statement!
Effie: It is. And I’m happy to make it. There’ve been so many women that stood there in white that- perhaps- shouldn’t have. You know what I’m sayin’?
NK: How did this all come about?
Effie: I was desperately seeking love for a long time and I’m a big fan of money. So I wanted this guy to be loaded, too. To have a lot of money with a bit of ‘dosh’. I didn’t want to settle for some ‘gyfto’, some ‘gero’ or anything. It’s OK to have a ‘gero’ for a pappou but not for a husband, you know? But, you know … things got a bit difficult.
There aren’t that many guys out there ‘se ilikia gamou’ who aren’t already snatched up.

NK: Who are you getting married to, Effie? Have you found that good Greek guy you were looking for?
Effie: I was going out with a lot of Greeks, but the problem with the Greeks is that when you go out with the Greek guy, you go out with the mother as well. It’s like his plus one. Everywhere that guy goes the mother isn’t that far away. I ended up with someone I actually went to school with. An Aussie. A skippy, a kangaroo.
NK: Were you two friends all along?
Effie: It was my first kiss. A million years ago. He never got over me and has been addicted since but we lost touch, being focused on business and all … We both went off and became legends. When I thought life had nothing else to offer, ‘kai pos tha meino sto rafi’ he came and found me. Swept me off my feet.
NK: How old are you, Effie?
Effie: It’s not appropriate to ask. I mean, you should know at your age! Ta kryvoun ta xronia oi ellinides, Nelly mou. Se genikes grammes eimai akomi 21.
NK: You do have a baby, though … to claim you’re still a virgin …
Effie: I did. But there was no wrongdoing there. It was an immaculate conception. Did not happen along traditional lines. It was a gift from god and came into this world with a caesarean. My most important asset is my baby but I also had to preserve my cherry. I was born with a rose and I’m not giving it away that easily. I’m Greek. Therefore hard to get.

NK: What have you prepared for the wedding day?
Effie: There’s gonna be a lot of audience/guest interaction. There will be some surprises with relatives and friends that will meet for the first time. There will be a lot of dancing, laughter … It will be a top glendi. There’s also a pre-sale so that the Very Important Peeps get access before the access. You know, the ones that are sorta ‘special’ in a way get to see it first.
NK: Who else will be invited?
Effie: You know what Greek weddings are like. The koinonia is invited. I’m very loyal to my fans. They’ve been worried on my behalf, wondering if this was ever going to happen, so I want them to be there with me, sharing the joy, the music, being part of the celebration.
NK: Will the baby attend the wedding?
Effie: Yes. The baby will attend. It comes with me to most places I go. I’m very active mothering my child but on the other hand I’m public property. It will be present and at that point it will be about four years old.
NK: Wow. They grow quickly these days don’t they?
Effie: They do. Like plants. You turn around and suddenly they’re sprung up. Like Tupperware. They go from one size to the other.
NK: Will your husband be performing on the night as well?
Effie: Well … he’d better be! I can’t give away more. I don’t want to give away the anticipation. I want that suspense. As you know, I’m not one of those people giving away things easily. Alas my cherry.
NK: Do you think your Greek friends and relatives will be upset if they see you get married to an Aussie bloke?
Effie: I’m sure a lot of them will be devastated, but on the other hand, I’ve always been open about my experience with Greek guys. I’ve gone into a lot of detail and hard times with their mothers. I even went out of my own comfort zone to make sure I explored all Greek men. I gave it a good go but sometimes, because they are so spoiled by their mothers, they think you’ll replace her.
I don’t want to be anyone’s slave and saying that I want you to know I’m not old-fashioned. I just want the same dikaiomata. My Aussie lets me be who I am. There’s mutual respect and he’s not trying to steal my limelight. Like it should be. I can’t wait until everyone is there with me. Make sure you come, too. I’ll leave some room on my dress for your hundred dollar bills. I might be marrying an Aussie but I’m going Greek all the way.

For more information head to www.effievirginbride.com