In culturally-diverse countries such as Australia, interracial relationships are very common.
I think we [Greek Australians] tend to be a little bit arrogant and dominant in terms of the Greek religion and culture.
Statistics show that inter-ethnic partnering for ethnic groups with an established history in Australia, such as the Greeks and Chinese, increases by 60 per cent from the first to third generations, numbers that come as no surprise to Kia Antoniadis, a family counsellor at the Australian Greek Welfare Society (AGWS).
Antoniadis has been running pre-marital courses for the last three years with organisation Relate Well, and last week held the first workshop of its kind at the AGWS for young people coupled outside of their ethnic background – a union that can pose issues as the relationship progresses.
“There are a lot of issues like negotiating their different cultures, and there might be some animosity about things. It’s really about increasing awareness, and starting a conversation to get people to feel comfortable about the fact that they’re in a mixed cultural relationship and embracing themselves as a fusion,” Ms Antoniadis tells Neos Kosmos.
“We talk about what culture means to you, and how much of that has influenced who you are as a person. I get them to look at not only whether they are on the same page value-wise, but even their family of origin; how are things done in your family?”
She says that it is important individuals are not arrogant about their culture, with notions like ‘my culture makes more sense or is better than yours’ and encourages couples to allow both cultures to play a role in the relationship.
The whole premise of the workshops, run in an intimate setting and in small groups, is to raise potential issues early on and to avoid future conflict.
“If you haven’t got that respect and understanding of how your partner was raised and what that means; if you don’t respect that and you mock it because it’s different to you, or if you say ‘we’re not going to do that’ because your ancestors didn’t do that, we start to have conflict and resentment building up in the relationship, which can lead to breakdown.
“We’re trying to strengthen that relationship so that it can manage the conflict or the differences, and not break down,” she explains.
Having worked with people from varying cultural backgrounds, when it comes to Greek Australians in particular, the main issues between couples often revolve around the extended family’s involvement and expectations.
“The way Greek parents raise their kids is that it’s like they foster a dependency, it’s not about ‘okay you’re an adult now, off you go, you’ve got your own life, your own relationship’. They seek this involvement in their kids’ life and unless you’re married to another person who has that experience in their family, it can seem really interfering,” says Ms Antoniadis.
Another common point of conflict is often religion.
“I think we [Greek Australians] tend to be a little bit arrogant and dominant in terms of the Greek religion and culture. What I’ve noticed is that a lot of them – even if the child doesn’t really subscribe to the religion all that much – are under pressure from the family that ‘we have to baptise the kids Orthodox’, or ‘we have to go to church for Anastasi‘.”
While many non-Greeks may initially seem happy to go along with their partner’s way of life, Ms Antoniadis warns that being agreeable may not continue in future.
“I get that a lot in my course, people saying ‘we’re going to be fine, we’ve talked about that’ but then when I talk to couples who have been married and have a couple of kids, they’ll say ‘we had issues when we had to name the child after his dad’, ‘they had to be baptised Orthodox and I wasn’t comfortable with the ceremony’.
” I just warn them that they might be happy now because it’s early in the relationship and they’re so loved up, but years down the track, if they’ve sacrificed a lot of their own background for the more dominant culture, resentment starts to grow and you start to feel like ‘hang on, why is it always your way?’,” she says.
But where the first generation were concerned about losing their culture (which is the case for recent migrant groups to Australia from countries such as India and Sudan) as time goes on this is diminishing as an issue for long-established ethnicities.
Those born and raised in Australia are now more likely to choose their friendships and romantic partners based on their value system: “I want to know are they a nice person? Are they respectful? It doesn’t matter if they doesn’t go to church, or if they don’t paint eggs at Easter,” says Ms Antoniadis.
While she acknowledges that it is a generalisation, in her line of work she finds that people who enter into a relationship with someone from a different culture tend to be more open minded and are often more educated with greater respect and appreciation for the ‘other’, evident in last week’s workshop.
“I didn’t have concerns for any of them; I’m actually seeing it as a very positive thing, and I was thinking ‘these guys are going to have a very good relationship because they’re accepting of each other’s different culture, they have good communication skills, they’re very open-minded, they talk about how they’re going to overcome this’,” she says.
“I don’t think they walked away thinking they learnt something new, it was more that it made them feel like they’re on the right track.”
For more information on future workshops, visit www.agws.com.au/ or call (03) 9388 9998.