I have been engaged for a little over a year now – I’m getting married at the end of January next year.
That’s just six months away. I used to think that if I ever got engaged I would be married within six months – I didn’t believe in long engagements.
Wow, was I clueless.
It turns out planning a wedding can be quite an involved process. Just when you think you’ve got it covered, someone reminds you about another ‘essential’ you’ve overlooked. Like flowers or food, or in my case, wedding rings.
And the closer you get to the date, the more evolved you’re ideas become.
One bridesmaid becomes seven. You’re not walking down the aisle, you’re dancing.
You find yourself contemplating karaoke as a valid form of wedding entertainment.
And renting 20 oyster punts to transfer all your guests down a lake seems like a completely reasonable idea.
When you announce you’re planning a wedding people aren’t exactly backward in coming forward with their ideas, suggestions and their opinions on how things should be done.
Suddenly everyone knows of an amateur photographer just waiting to break into the wedding market.
There’s always someone with a cousin, who has a friend who knows someone who has the number of a guy who does wedding videos.
And it turns out that your dear friend has an aunt who is a qualified pastry chef and who would be delighted to bake your wedding cake.
While it’s lovely for people to offer, most of the time I’ve had to say no. Because while I’d like to hire the video guy and have someone’s friend make the cake, I’m reluctant to do so.
At the end of the day, I don’t want my friends getting stressed out – I want them to enjoy the day.
And if I’m completely honest, I would prefer to fork out the cash and hire a professional, because they’re meant to know what they’re doing and if the shit hits the fan and they stuff up, at least I know I can give them a piece of my mind without feeling bad.
Planning a wedding requires you to be something of a project manager – you have to liaise with various stakeholders, you have to listen to what everyone has to say and you have to make sure people are aware of timing and budgetary constraints. Whatever that means.
Mainly, Johnny and I have to remind ourselves that we can’t do everything. We have to compromise.
So while we would like a seven piece jazz-funk band playing tunes on a floating barge in the middle of the lake, the reality is more like a one man band standing on a milk crate in the corner of a room.
I’ve also come to realise that this wedding isn’t just all about Johnny and me. It’s a day for both our families too.
So when my parents and I had a spirited (and by spirited I mean screaming match) discussion about the type of bonbonniere we will be having at the wedding, I realised that I have to grow up and compromise.
Perhaps I don’t see the point of bombonniere, but my mum does – it’s something that she wants to do and is passionate about.
So, now I am really looking forward to spending a day hanging out with her and 10 kilos of sugared almonds.
Anyway it’s all good and well for me to bang on about things like project management and realistic expectations, remaining rational and trying to control your temper. But I know it’s going to be easier said than done. Because weddings make people do and say irrational things.
I like to think that generally I’m a pretty chilled out person. But for some unknown reason the prospect of having to select a wedding cake fills me with angst.
Why must everything be celebrated with cake? And what about the invitations? Trying to figure out who I can leave off the list makes me break out in a rash.
Clearly I’m not as chilled as I thought. I have no desire to turn into a fire-breathing, pimple covered, angst-ridden, screaming bridezilla.
I think what I need to do is stop resisting. I need to take the opposite approach to what I’m currently doing.
If cakes freak me out, perhaps I need to throw myself into the world of wedding cakes.
Do some research, visit bakeries, attend a cake decorating exhibition.
If I’m worried too many people are on the invitation list, perhaps I should just not care, invite them all and hope to god a few of them won’t show up.
Really, I just need to take a deep breath and just go with the flow.