We all know what the F word is. You don’t need much education to guess that. We also know that F is for freedom and fun. F is also for fecundity, but you might need access to an education to work out that fecundity is synonymous with freedom, fun and a fair go. Particularly when it means to be capable of producing an abundance of offspring or new growth.

Fecundity also means a rich imagination or ‘to be intellectually rigorous’. So, let’s be rigorous about these ludicrous on the spot ‘swearing’ fines recently enforced by the Victorian Government. By way of illustration, a bus with the big F emblazoned across its back was parked outside St Paul’s Cathedral in Melbourne this week. A Cathedral that ironically shares the same section of Swanston Street with businesses selling billboards, booze, burgers, banking, and basement bargains; followed by chicken, chips, cigarettes and cans of coke. Not the most wholesome of products to keep the company of such moral compasses as the Church, which is another C word, by the way.

Having joined the march last weekend down Swanston Street in protest of these ‘on the spot swearing’ fines, what stood out like a dog’s euphemism was that 90 per cent of the marchers were teenagers and university students. In others words, society’s future, that other crucial C word, our children. See, fecundity. Another C word is cut – that is to cut funding to education, which the Victorian Government has done savagely this year.

Therefore, going back on the P word, their promise. Sadly P is also for prison, which this government is willing to pour millions into for people who could go in a different direction in life, if they had access to the E of education. But this apparent small L Liberal Government is not that small after all, when the only remedy it understands is yet another P word, ‘punishment’. And who is this new leader we are now stuck with? Who is this wowser who ordered no champagne to be served for the opening launch of his own government? Well, B is for boring, that’s for sure.

Now, let’s look at the last two words of this crossword. Seven across: ‘like Abbott does political campaign stunts in budgie smugglers’? That’s got to be Baillieu. Ok, six down sharing the ‘i’ of Baillieu: ‘the politics of a former moustachioed leader with a fancy for monumental architecture’? That’s strange both these words seem oddly related, if the final word on this subject begins with an F. And an F word that Baillieu’s chief media advisor should not be ethnically or ethically comfortable with at all. Oh no, that’s right: F is for fascism, which is also for F**ked.