For the last ten or so years I’ve seen my mum and dad care endlessly for their parents. They’ve gone with them to every doctor’s appointment, to support them and to act as a translator. I know of many other parents who are in similar situations.
I’ve seen this generation’s love and care and I’ve seen them push their boundaries as their role of carer forms part of their identity.
I’m writing this as a twenty-one-year-old with parents in their 50s and 60s. In saw my parents care for my grandparents as they grew older over the years, I appreciated the love and support they gave them.
My pappou passed away when I was too young and didn’t realise the significance of the event. I could not comprehend that the extra time my parents spent with my pappou was to take him to the hospital and doctor’s appointments.
I was not able to ask my pappou questions that I wish now I had. As I got older and my other grandparents’ health deteriorated, I realised how much my parents did to ensure their parents were cared for, and receive the best help possible.
Due to the demands of the caring role, people who care full time for their parents experience effects on their mental and physical health, and on their career and family. A counsellor at the Australian Greek Welfare Society (AGWS), Kia Antoniadis, called this generation the ‘sandwich carers’, regarding the dual care many adults give to their own parents as well as their children.
While looking after parents can be a universal experience, Greek Australians also battle with language barriers and due to Greek pride – that many of us will be familiar with – many older Greeks are reluctant to accept help from family, which they don’t wish to burden.
Many of this generation never had a model of how to look after elderly family. When our grandparents migrated from Greece to Australia, they were on their own, or travelled with relatives or friends of similar ages.
Our great-grandparents were left in Greece, and they hoped for their children to have a better life. Many Greeks in the 1950s and 1960s who arrived in Australia found work, a place to live, and started a family. So, many of our grandparents were never in the position to care for their elders. Now, their children in their 50s and 60s have the responsibility to care without any guide on how to manage the situation. Similarly, our grandparents have not witnessed the mental and physical decline which can occur in one’s final years and are unprepared for what is waiting for them.
For young Greek Australians the question is, how can we support our parents they way they support theirs?
It is necessary to register the toll that seeing our parents struggle and its impact on our own lives. Some may not be in a position to support their parents the same way, others will do everything they can. There is no recipe for supporting those we love. We simply do what we can with the resources we have. That is what matters.
It is a difficult time and some may not be sure what to do. As our parents care for their own parents, there is the opportunity to let them know that you are there if they need you, and encourage needed breaks, or respite from the demands of care. This may allow space for them to rejuvenate.
The generation that is being cared for have a lifetime of experiences that deserve to be heard, and shared. One of the best ways we can help our parents and grandparents, is to cherish their stories, and our time with them. Next time you see your yiayia and pappou, listen to their stories. You might find their insight invaluable. And you’ll have something special to remember them by.