Neos Kosmos through “16 Days of Activism Against Gender Violence”, will aim to tell personal stories, provide essential information on support organisations, and explore victims’ rights through interviews with experts in law and social services.
‘Traditional Greek family values’, have been essential to the resilience, and preservation of Hellenic culture, language, faith, and identity, within the Greek immigrant community in Australia. However, some of these same values seen as traditional – views on women, gender roles, and sexuality – have often remained frozen in time.
Extended family, community networks, which are a cornerstone of the Greek Australian community, may inadvertently hinder the acknowledgment and addressing of gender-based violence. The powerful concept of ντροπή (ntropi), the fear of “what people will say”, the view a woman may have failed as a partner or mother, can prevent victims of gender-violence from speaking out or seeking help, particularly in families that believe that they are adhering to so called ‘traditional family values’.
It is important that we don’t see gender-violence just as physical violence – it may include, verbal abuse, control, undermining, financial control and isolation. Gender-based violence has many “faces” and can be subtle yet insidious and always destructive.
We will share true stories from within our community, in an attempt to reveal that this problem is real, and close to home. It may be happening next door, in the home of a relative, or even within our own walls. Sometimes, it might even be happening to us without our awareness.
The following is a true story however to protect the identities of the victims . It is one of many stories that occur behind closed doors in our community.
Ellie’s story
Ellie* (not her real name), a 26-year-old with a thriving career, had it seemed everything —independence, a dynamic personality, and the love of her childhood friend, Peter, with whom she began a long-distance relationship.
After two years later in what seemed to be a great relationship, Ellie and Peter*, decided to move in together in Greece and start a family. Ellie left behind her a successful life and placed her trust in Peter, who promised his support.
“I believed that love and trust were enough to build a life together. I gave up everything that made me independent so we could be together,” she recalls.
Things took a sharp turn during her pregnancy. Peter insisted that she quit her job to focus on “her health and the baby.” What started as advice soon evolved into complete control. Peter managed their finances, excluded Ellie from decisions, and even deemed essential needs, such as maternity clothes, unnecessary.
“Every decision Peter made, he framed as being ‘for my own good.’ But in reality, I felt I was slowly losing myself,” Ellie describes.
She felt trapped and her family began to notice. They offered silent support with small gifts and food. But shame and isolation kept Ellie captive. When their child was born, the situation became even worse. Peter hurled constant accusations and insults, refusing to participate in any aspect of caring for the child.
The move to Australia
Ellie and Peter decided to relocate to Australia, hoping for a fresh start. Ellie’s family welcomed them with open arms, and even provided them a fully furnished home to help them settle in. Yet, Peter’s behaviour remained unchanged. He spent his days doing nothing and his nights drinking.
“I thought a change of scenery would save our relationship. Instead, it only confirmed how alone I truly was,” Ellie said.
When Ellie found a job, Peter refused to take on any responsibility for their child, even basic care.
The situation reached a breaking point when Peter, claimed he “needed to rest,” returned to Greece taking all their last savings with him. Left alone with their child, Ellie worked tirelessly to rebuild her life. Peter eventually returned, and was full of regret, so, Ellie allowed him back into her life, also for the sake of their child.
He said he had changed, but that was a lie as he reverted to his old patterns.
“Stop working. You’re a terrible mother who doesn’t care about her child. You’re having an affair with your boss,” he began to accuse her. He was always angry and looked for an excuse to argue.
“It felt like I was trapped in a vicious cycle of insults, suspicion, and humiliation with no way out,” Ellie said.
The tipping point
Ellie, one day found a video on Peter’s phone – he was smiling and embracing another woman in Greece. Shock overwhelmed her, but she decided to talk to him.
“Peter, what is this?” she said, showing him the video.
Peter began to hurl abuse at her in a verbal attack “Stay out of my life! It’s all your fault! Do you think you’re any better?”
The situation escalated. Ellie found the strength to ask him to leave the house, but he lost all control. With the child in her arms, she was physically attacked by Peter. The control and verbal violence now became physical.
Their shouting and her screams could be heard and worried neighbors knocked on the door, and soon Ellie’s family arrived. Their intervention saved her and sent Peter fleeing.
Ellie, exhausted and terrified, felt a wave of relief. For the first time, the thought that she could rebuild her life away from violence and fear seemed possible. Holding her child close, she took courage to move on.
An endless struggle
Despite Peter’s departure from her life, Ellie’s ordeal was far from over. Issues of custody, visitation, and financial support took over. It was an ongoing battle to protect both herself and her child.
“It’s not easy to rebuild your life, but every step brings me closer to the freedom and safety my child and I deserve,” she said.
Ellie’s story is one of resilience and strength—a woman who found the courage to break free from the cycle of abuse and violence. Her family also played a great supportive role.
“I didn’t know how strong I could be until survival became my only option—for me and my child,” Ellie said.
Through her experience, Ellie offers a message of hope to other women: “You are not alone. Silence is the perpetrator’s greatest ally. Help is available, and you deserve a life without fear.”
If you or someone you know needs support, don’t stay silent. There are organisations ready to help. Together, we can break the cycle of violence.
*Call 1800 RESPECT on 1800 737 732 for advice or support.
