Is it menopause, or a time of reckoning?

This question is at the centre of a rising global trend of women in midlife increasingly choosing divorce, challenging assumptions about long-term partnerships and life after child-rearing.

While overall divorce rates are declining in many Western countries, there is a noticeable rise among older couples, often referred to as “grey divorce,” and women are leading the way.

Recent studies reveal the divorce rate for adults aged 50 and older has doubled since 1990, with more than one in four divorces now occurring in this age group.

One might assume that couples who have spent decades raising children would enter middle age with stability and a secure partnership. Yet an increasing number of women in their late 40s and 50s are deciding otherwise, leaving unhappy relationships, often after years of putting their own needs last.

Menopause as a catalyst

Neos Kosmos spoke to award-winning Family and Divorce Lawyer Cassandra Kalpaxis, who has seen this shift first-hand in her practice.

“I see it time and again in my practice—women who’ve spent decades suppressing their own needs are suddenly asking, ‘Is this it?'” Kalpaxis says. “Menopause becomes a catalyst for deeper questioning.”

In fact, 73 per cent of women in a UK survey cited menopause as a contributing factor.

Kalpaxis believes menopause can act as a reckoning, biologically and emotionally, prompting women to re-evaluate their health, marriages, identity, and long-term happiness. But she insists the choice is rarely impulsive.

“I don’t believe women wake up one day and say ‘I’m menopausal, I want a divorce.’ Research shows women often grieve and consider leaving their relationship for five to ten years before actually doing it, often during the perimenopausal period. It’s a long and thoughtful process.”

Kalpaxis argues it’s not menopause itself, but women reaching a stage of life where they’re no longer willing to carry the full load.

“It’s more about women in that age bracket becoming more comfortable in their own skin and tired of having to do it all. Financially, raising children, running the household, doing the life admin. Often, they’ve put themselves last for many years and reach a stage where they no longer want to do that.”

The broader picture

The divorce rate is declining among younger couples but rising for older Australians, especially those separating after longer marriages of 20 or even 30 years.

Women at this stage are often going through hormonal changes and ending a chapter of their life focused on motherhood and caregiving, Kalpaxis continues.

“They’re entering a more independent stage, one that’s invested in themselves and their wellness. That shift often brings long-ignored relationship issues to the surface, things that were swept under the rug for the sake of the children and women begin choosing themselves.”

In Australia, divorce rates are also highest for men aged 45-49. At this critical age, men too reassess their relationships and reflect on what they want for the next chapter of their lives.

“Men at this stage often start reflecting on their mortality and realize they want more nurturing, emotionally connected relationships, beyond the physical and material success they may have pursued in earlier years.”

The stigma may be fading, but not everywhere

There’s far less social shame in being a divorced woman in midlife now than in previous generations.

“More and more women feel liberated about divorcing in midlife. The previous stigma that came with divorce is fading.”

This may reflect the general population, but Kalpaxis admits that the Greek community is still quite traditional and patriarchal, especially for the generation that falls into that age bracket today, influencing both women and men.

Men in the Greek community may remain in unhappy marriages to avoid the shame of divorce, while cultural and religious pressures can make women feel trapped. For many women, starting over is especially daunting because of these expectations.

The hidden risks and the key

Kalpaxis warns that midlife divorce poses serious risks, particularly for women who lack financial independence.

“Women are at much greater risk of homelessness in midlife than men, especially if they’ve been out of the workforce, haven’t accrued superannuation, or lack financial independence. Many don’t have access to savings or housing and are often isolated from support networks. These women absolutely need legal advice early. There are strategies to address these challenges, but it’s a growing and serious issue.”

While initiatives like superannuation contributions during maternity leave help, they don’t address the needs of women who spent decades as homemakers.

Education remains key.

“Many older women come to me unaware they’ve lived in unhealthy marriages, or that they have any financial options.”

Younger generations are more emotionally aware and less bound by outdated expectations, but older women often lack knowledge about their rights, and hence it is important to reach them.

Preparation is vital, both emotionally and legally, at this stage of life, she says.

“Start with your GP to understand what support you need.” Speaking to a psychologist about the physical and emotional toll is also important, while seeking advice from a lawyer to understand your rights is absolutely crucial.

“These professionals can work collaboratively to support women through this process.”

Life after divorce

Research consistently shows women are often happier than men after divorce.

“They see that their second marriage or that second chapter is for them. In their first marriage, women often put themselves last. In the second, they prioritise their happiness and equality in the relationship. There’s no longer pressure to marry young, have kids, or fulfill cultural expectations. They’re financially more independent and looking for someone who enriches their life emotionally and spiritually, not someone to complete a traditional mold.”

Kalpaxis believes divorce in midlife should be reframed.

“We should see it as a moment of transition and self-definition,” she says, “and celebrate people who choose to leave unhappy or unsafe relationships. It allows them to be better versions of themselves—for their kids and for themselves.”

Divorce is not an ending but an opportunity for reinvention.

Through her work, Kalpaxis has helped countless women safely exit coercive relationships and reclaim their independence. She has witnessed the devastating toll of domestic violence and now advocates strongly for women’s financial security and personal safety.

For lasting change, she argues, the importance of independence must be taught from a young age.

“Schools should teach relationship safety, financial literacy, red flags, and the importance of independence.”