Divorce is a topic that has become significantly more normalised in recent times, with the popular phrase stating that at least 50 per cent of marriages end in divorce.

One aspect that has yet to become broadly understood about divorce is its prevalence during the month of January, a time that immediately follows the holiday period and often sees individuals seeking to improve themselves or their situations.

This phenomenon is explained by Greek-Australian Cassandra Kalpaxis, a family and divorce lawyer at Kalpaxis Legal, who states that many in the business of divorce have known of it for some time now.

“The statistics around divorce support that it has for years occurred in the period of January and as a Family Lawyer my office is often attended by those who have been thinking about separating over the Christmas period however their Lawyers have been closed,” Ms Kalpaxis told Neos Kosmos.

The lawyer stated that there are many factors as to why this occurs, many of which are linked to the holiday period and the increased time that is spent with your partners compared to the regular schedule throughout the year.

This sees lots of reflection take place around their relationships, with some considering what Ms Kalpaxis calls the “grass is greener” complex, the opinion that things would be better if they were no longer together.

“We must also consider that spending time with your family can influence their decision, particularly when the family was never really accepting of their partner initially. Discussions with friends about their relationship and the advice they give can also play a role,” the Family and Divorce lawyer said.

She added that financial pressure over Christmas also can have a major impact, noting that many do not strategise and effectively plan out their finances and it can be the “final straw” for relationships that might have already been experiencing problems.

“It’s a fresh start to the year and it is easier from a psychological perspective to navigate a separation in January. People are often motivated to start ‘ the year right’ and to tackle the hard things that they have put behind them in December,” she told Neos Kosmos.

“It is also a time when most professionals are returning and are motivated to keep things out of court.”

While divorces can sometimes be inevitable, Ms Kalpaxis did stress that there are methods to avoid the holiday breakdown of a marriage such as budgeting your Christmas ahead of time, and coming up with alternative solutions if cost becomes an issue.

“Communication with family around this is essential. Transparency is key to being supported through this period,” she said while adding that extended family members who create conflict by meddling and giving unwanted opinions should not be heard.

She expressed that working together as a united front and agreeing beforehand what behaviour you will and will not tolerate helps decrease the tension and demonstrate understanding and support for one another.

“Be clear about what behaviour you will let slide, and what you will address. If you say you are going to do/say something to your spouse follow through. The volume of fights at Christmas that occur due to one party feeling disrespected, and underappreciated is quite large.”

These struggles tend to be amplified for marriages that also have young children, who are home during the summer due to school holidays, with the responsibility of caring for them among the other struggles sometimes proving too overwhelming.

“It is no secret that parenting is tough and if you aren’t committed to doing the work then it is easy for things to fall over,” Ms Kalpaxis said.

The stigma of divorce, especially among Greek-Australians

While divorce is a difficult process for all people, Ms Kalpaxis did affirm that it is still heavily stigmatised in the Greek community and that the narrative is almost always negative.

“Culture plays a huge role in the experience of Greek Australians divorcing. It is still incredibly shameful to obtain a divorce in the community, and family and religion play a significant role,” she said.

“Often these couples experience significant backlash and feel ashamed that their marriage failed when they come to see me. It is rare that we do not see family overly involving themselves in a divorce and that can often amplify the conflict unnecessarily in the divorce.”

Building on this, Ms Kalpaxis elaborated on the many common misconceptions around divorce.

These include divorce meaning: you failed at your marriage, you were not good enough, you will not see your kids, you will get taken to the cleaners, you will have to spend thousands on lawyers, people will think you are a bad person or a bad parent, you will have to go to court, or that because a family member had a bad divorce it means you will as well.

How the divorce process has changed

Ms Kalpaxis said people should be wary of equating prior experiences of divorce with what it is like today, explaining that the “war stories” of the past can impact many people’s perception of separation.

“The way in which people separate today has changed, court for many practitioners is the absolute last resort. There are about five different pathways that I can take a client down before we even think about court in order to resolve their dispute,” the lawyer said.

She stressed that the aggressive approach of divorce lawyers in the past is no longer practiced today, with many understanding its detrimental impact on the family unit, especially on the children.

“Our role as practitioners is mostly understood to be that we are to assist families to triage their separation in a cost effective and expedient fashion,” Ms Kalpaxis said.

“My rule as a divorce lawyer is above all else I have an obligation to leave my clients and their family in a better state then when they came to me. I cannot do that by inflating conflict and encouraging litigation when there is a peaceful resolution that can be reached.”

Ms Kalpaxis concluded with the sentiment that divorce is an event no one plans for when they first get married, but that if difficulties arise in the relationship, then it can often be the healthiest option for everyone involved.

“The social science research around high conflict families proves that children who are exposed to high conflict over a prolonged period of time experience developmental issues, problems in their own relationships, and mental illness,” she said.

“It is far better for children that those people separate then stay together.”